Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
