You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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