I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
