Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
