Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
