I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
