Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
