im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize