I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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