Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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