anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
