i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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