i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
