He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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