pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
