And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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