Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Will you blow on my dice?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
