she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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