A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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