Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
