who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize