who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
