I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
