wrigley field is MILF paradise
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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