I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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