The maid of honor just puked.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
