Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
