god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
