What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize