im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
