so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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