yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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