bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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