I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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