Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's never too late to be topless.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
