It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
