Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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