So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
