i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
