Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what day is it and did you see me today?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
