i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
