Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
