And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drunk is not a location!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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