Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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