Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This house was built for laser tag.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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