we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
