It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
