i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
