guys are not supposed to queef...right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
