His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
