i barfeds in our rink
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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