those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
