Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
