my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
