I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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