No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
