You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Drunk is a universal language darling
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize