he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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