mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
