I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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