he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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