Small penises have feelings too.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this boner is exhausting
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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