We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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