I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
