dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you traded sex for a burrito?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
