According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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