Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
