Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
