Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
