new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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