I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
