and she was petting her beer can
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
