I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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