He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
where are my eyebrows?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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