Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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