He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
