Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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