I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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