I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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