i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
