I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
