it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
