You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
