onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
