I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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