WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
