I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
