Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is the high leading the old right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
