it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
