I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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