u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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