I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
