oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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