i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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