I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She bit a glass in half.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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