walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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