I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
