I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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