Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize