There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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