he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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