think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
