I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
