we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
