Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
