seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize