I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
