I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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