Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Michael Bay diarrhea
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
