i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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