Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
