I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
