i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just sharted jello shots
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
