My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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